Episode 41: Healing the Fear of What Comes Next: A Deep Dive into Episode 8
Description:
Today, we’re going deeper into a topic that so many of you reached out to me about—anticipatory fear, also known as anticipatory anxiety.
If you’ve ever found yourself bracing for something bad—even when nothing bad has happened yet—you’re not alone. In fact, you’re not broken. You’re likely responding to something very old, something that once tried to protect you.
This episode is for anyone who’s ever lost sleep over “what ifs,” anyone who plays out worst-case scenarios in their head, and especially for those who’ve survived trauma and now feel like the future is never safe.
Thank you for listening to todays episode! I would love to hear from you and to receive your questions and feedback.
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Renata
Transcript:
Hello and welcome back to Cycle Breaker and Change Maker. I’m your host, Renata Ortega. Today, we’re going deeper into a topic that so many of you reached out to me about—anticipatory fear, also known as anticipatory anxiety.
If you’ve ever found yourself bracing for something bad—even when nothing bad has happened yet—you’re not alone. In fact, you’re not broken. You’re likely responding to something very old, something that once tried to protect you.
This episode is for anyone who’s ever lost sleep over “what ifs,” anyone who plays out worst-case scenarios in their head, and especially for those who’ve survived trauma and now feel like the future is never safe.
Let’s dive in.
Part 1: What Is Anticipatory Fear Really?
Anticipatory fear is not just worry. It’s a survival strategy your nervous system has created to try to protect you.
It says: “Plan for the worst. Expect danger. Be ready.”
This can show up as:
● Obsessively rehearsing conversations
● Being afraid of upcoming events
● Feeling dread even when there’s no real threat
● Catastrophizing outcomes
● Physical symptoms like nausea, rapid heartbeat, or insomnia
These responses are not irrational. They may not make sense to the situation you’re in now—but they make perfect sense when you understand where they came from.
Part 2: Why It Starts (And Why It Sticks Around)
Let’s break this down with an example.
If you grew up in a home where sudden outbursts or unpredictable chaos occurred, your nervous system learned one very important thing: stay alert.
And here’s the thing—that learning worked. It likely helped you survive.
But now? That alarm system might be going off even when nothing is truly wrong.
This is what happened to me.
Because of unpredictable anger outbursts in my childhood, I learned to fear conflict. Not just dislike it—fear it. Even the hint of irritation in someone’s voice would send my body into a full-blown stress response. My palms would sweat. My heart would race. I’d mentally spiral into worst-case scenarios. My nervous system didn’t know I was safe now—it only remembered when I wasn’t.
Part 3: When the Fear Becomes a Cycle
Here’s how anticipatory fear becomes a negative cycle:
You anticipate something bad happening.
Your body reacts with anxiety or panic.
You try to avoid the situation altogether.
Temporary relief tricks you into believing avoidance worked.
But the fear grows stronger—and next time, it starts even earlier.
You get stuck. Trapped in a loop of fear, reaction, avoidance, and repeat.
Breaking this cycle isn’t about just “calming down” or “thinking positive.”
It’s about teaching your nervous system that the future isn’t the enemy anymore.
Part 4: How I Broke My Cycle
I want to share a moment where I almost let anticipatory fear lead me into a decision I knew wasn’t right for me.
I had a major life decision to make. And I was terrified—not of the decision itself, but of upsetting someone. I was so scared of making them angry that I was about to go through with something that felt wrong in my bones.
Sound familiar?
I started obsessing over what might happen:
● Would they yell?
● Would they abandon me?
● Would they hurt me?
The fear didn’t feel like “fear of conflict”—it felt like danger.
But then something shifted. I named it: anticipatory fear. I acknowledged what it really was: my inner child trying to protect me from something that wasn’t happening anymore.
I spoke to my doctor. I started grounding. I looked at the facts, not just the fears.
And slowly, I chose to say no to the thing I didn’t want to do—and yes to my own safety.
It wasn’t easy. But I did it. And you can too.
Part 5: What You Can Do – Practical Steps
Here are three steps to help you break the grip of anticipatory fear:
Step 1: Name it with compassion
Start with awareness. Say to yourself:
“This is anticipatory fear. My body is trying to protect me based on an old experience.”
This helps create space between you and the emotion. It also allows you to treat yourself with kindness, instead of frustration.
Step 2: Interrogate the fear with curiosity
Ask yourself:
● What am I afraid will happen?
● Is that outcome likely?
● Even if the worst happens, can I handle it?
Write it down. Speak it aloud. The more you bring the fear into the light, the less power it has.
Step 3: Ground yourself and take micro-actions
Grounding is key. Try:
● Belly breaths
● Counting things you can see, hear, and touch
● Putting your feet on the floor and saying, “I am safe in this moment.”
Then, take one small action. One step toward the thing you’re afraid of.
This might look like:
● Sending a message you’ve been avoiding
● Preparing for an interview you’re nervous about
● Saying “no” to something that doesn’t feel right
Even the tiniest action can remind your body that it is safe to move forward.
Part 6: A Gentle Reminder
Breaking free from anticipatory fear doesn’t mean the fear never shows up again.
It means when it does, you know what to do with it.
You are not weak for feeling afraid of the future. You are likely someone who has been through something that taught you to prepare for pain.
But you can also learn to prepare for peace. For joy. For possibility.
That’s the future you deserve.
That’s the future you are allowed to imagine.
Closing Words
Thank you for joining me for this deep dive into anticipatory fear. If this episode resonated with you, I want you to know something: you are not broken. You are healing.
And healing takes time, tenderness, and tools. If you’d like to explore this topic further, check out the workbook that goes with this episode atCycleBreakerAndChangeMaker.com.
Until next time—stay kind, stay brave, and keep breaking the cycle.